the rap sheets

D.R. (Doc) Boyd 
the heymacs’ guitarist is a man of few words, as the saying goes. Always fascinated by the Laws of Probability, Mr. Boyd never saw a game of cards or dice he could resist. Anyone can have a streak of bad luck, but the Doc’s attraction to betting on iffy outcomes wasn’t limited to sports, horseracing, or which side of a piece of buttered toast would hit the floor first . . he lost his main means of supporting himself when he wagered his guitar on how many jelly beans would fill a 26 oz bottle of Crown.


 Skid Rowe 
The current 'stickman' with the heymacs, Mr. Rowe, has anger management issues that cost him a prestigious position as one of the country’s premier wine connoisseurs when he poured a snifter of 1875 Napoleon brandy over the head of The National Bank’s CEO after the fellow made a wisecrack about the bow tie worn by the Skidster that evening. Well, the exec wasn’t pleased by this little prank and vowed to make sure Mr. Rowe never officiated another wine tasting at any establishment this side of a greasy spoon and, as it turns out, he had the clout to do so as these days Skid does most of his wine tasting down in the alley behind High Note Music. Luckily, he had his talent on the skins to fall back on, thanks to a short stint in the community college band. But underneath his raging Hulk-like exterior, he has the soul of a cuddly teddy bear.


 Big Bottom Cowboy 
The guy holding down the bottom end of the heymacs’ sound, the Cowboy started life in great shape, in line to inherit his wealthy family’s fashion empire (famous for their visionary take on sexy, but sensible, women’s footwear). Nobody ever personified the drug-taking, booze-drinking and no sleeping lifestyle more than the Cowboy, who found it impossible to turn down anything resembling a party. Unfortunately, after many warnings, his family gave up on this black sheep and disinherited him totally.

Carlyle Keys;
the heymacs’ piano, organ, and glockenspiel man, Carlyle was once tops in the I.T. field . . that is, until he was caught hacking into the computer system of a major record label (in an attempt to find out if rare demo recordings from the lounge band he played with at that time still existed OR were thrown into the waste bin, as the label had told the band). Whilst understandable, this suspect approach was frowned upon, and left his reputation in that industry in tatters. Unable to any longer find work in computers, nowadays he survives working two jobs (and word has it a third gig somewhere in the ‘security’ field may materialize in the very near future).

Macky O.
the heymacs’ front-guy turned to vocalizing after ‘joint problems’ made it obvious his guitar-playing days were winding down. Although never diagnosed, rumour has it that a compulsive disorder drove him to develop coping skills . . the telling of the so-called ‘tall tale’ being an example. This worked out well artistically, as most folks appreciate a well-told story (at least, until it affects their bank accounts). Apparently, ex-lady friends don’t fall into the ‘most folks’ category, and this has been an expensive lesson he’s been forced to learn. So, it’s fortunate that his rather unique vocal stylings have garnered a small but passionate group of supporters . . it’s his hope this following will reach many hundreds before he burns out his voice as well.


So . . . when everyone first became aware of the heymacs was when they were all hallucinating (due to a sharing an old bottle of wine that had gone kinda skunky), and a buddy Stan was messin' around with his video camera and caught the whole episode on tape.

Carlyle told the guys he thought he heard someone screaming a warning about a runaway garbage truck in the alley they'd been walking down, and the guys all thought they must be dead and Ms Laurie's shed was just a passage hall to the Big White Light. Thinking they might be auditioning for the Grand Poobah, the band figured something inspirational was called for . . and 'You'll Never Walk Alone' seemed like the perfect choice! Voila . . flick# 1 was a done deal.

The 2nd film-ette ( 'Life is Tough' ) found them hangin' out at the back of the factory where Carlyle had one of his two jobs, and they had the good luck to find a still-working CD player in the trash. That evening wasn't in chronological order of all the events, though . . a few weeks earlier, the boys came across an unlocked door to a nice little recording studio and took advantage of some free studio time, ending up with some tunes in various states of completion on a CD, but with no way to play it.  Number 2 finds them able to revisit that lucky night when flicks# 3 and 4 were filmed ( 'Like A Rolling Stone' and 'If I Were Young Again').

For outing #5, the guys were out in the alley behind Ms. Laurie's 'High Note Music' trying to put together a set for a potential gig (as the owner down at Desperate Dave's suddenly fancied himself a music promoter), when Lee, one of Macky's ex-flames, comes strolling by with her girlfriend Roxie and they stop to shoot-the-breeze with Ms. Laurie. Things got a little tense, ya might say!

A while after that, Carlyle saw an ad for a song contest, and the guys thought it was worth a trip uptown, as more recording time and gear was guaranteed fot the winning tune. Although their style had changed, the band pulled out a beauty from their bar-band days (namely, the instrumental 'Freeskatin'' and the judges seemed suitably impressed . . so voila, flick# 6 was in the can (as the film folks say).

Which brings us to lucky #7 . . the band was taking advantage of a beauty day for catchin' some rays, and set up to rehearse out in the alley. Macky ran into Mr B (the contest judge in the Freeskatin' film) down at Desperate Dave's when Mr. B was trying to contact them with some good news . . their tune won the contest! The sponsor (our good buddies, Great North Ski & Skate) was going to cover a whole bunch of gear and recording time for the band to really show their stuff.

But, there was more . . unfortunately, nobody was picking up the phone down at Dave's joint, so Mr. B couldn't reach the boys in time to get them on the big show up in the capital. Still, since he was there, the band thought they'd make a good impression on Mr. B for next year's show. It was decided to do a Canadian classic by Murray McLauchlan (the excellent 'Down By the Henry Moore' ) and the B-ster sat in on squeeze-box with the band. And, on top of his being a talented musical type, their favourite corporate dude actually knew a guy who was able to put the band in touch with the artist, himself . . Mr, McLauchlan agreed to check out the project and and the heymacs were totally thrilled to hang out with him! Can it possibly get any better?

Admittedly, nobody thought the boys would actually get as far as an 8th music flick but our friend, Stan, was convinced to help the band out one more time. (Stan did the very first heymacs' film-ette, you might recall from 8 paragraphs ago). After little yardwork down at his chateau by Macky, he was right into demonstrating how fabulous the video shot by his phone was. (Remember when phones were only used for phone calls!) All that was needed was a location, which was provided when esteemed buddy, Bob Segarini, invited the guys over for some poker. Bob had shown Carlyle a home-recording program he had on his computer, so when the game broke up and Bob retired for the evening, they thought what would be the harm in laying down some tracks to a new tune of Macky's called 'The Old Man Blues'. A few hours later, when Bob heard Macky out in the living room enthusiastically pitching his latest marketing scheme for the heymacs to Skid, he decided that naptime was over and he should see what the fuss was about. Initially a bit sleep-deprived and grumpy, he soon got into the groove and the rest of the evening ( . . er, morning) unfolded without a hitch.

And, as if things could get any better!  Great North sent over Lance, the tech wizard, to help the boys get their equipment situation up to scratch, and Mr. B sent them one of those fancy phones (best guess is, knowing the heymacs would be attracted to shiny new things, he figured that would be the best way to track them down whenever he needed to). 

OK, now you're up-to-date . . time for happy hour!

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